His world now my existence
According to Roget’s Thesaurus, a melee is anything from a fight or a brawl (or hmm.. a fracas) to a list of odds and ends, a potpourri or assortment of something, a mixture, a variety… even a salad.
So each Monday, I and those participating, will use the following and appropriately assorted prompts, to create a post of interest.
1. The Misanthropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.
Our stereotypical nature. Does it help to make sense of things we just can not understand by immediately placing people under categories simply by first impressions or glances?
Waitressing was a job I was considering upon arriving here in Newfoundland and applied at a near-by restaurant. An interview shortly followed but no call backs. I had later found out that the same place is in desperate need of help and was left confused until a friend of a friend whom works there called and broke the news.
Previously my face had been adorned in piercings, 3 plus my tongue. All, save for my nostril piercing, I have since retired as I have grown out of them - this being the reason I was not hired. My would-be boss offered no compromises, no declarations that the position could be mine if I would be willing to take them out (which I gladly would have).
My personal view on the situation is that I was not given a chance because he automatically assumed I fall under the oh-so-common labels that those with body modifications seem to unjustly fall under: rebels, irresponsible no-gooders, punks, gangsters, etc.
While I am in need of work and he is in need of workers I will not lower myself to his level.
2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.
I believe the above person fits snugly here as well.
3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.
I am unhappy that I have not found a job yet. I am unhappy that because I am currently on a leave of absence from my job back home I am unable to apply for the line of credit I so desperately need to lower my monthly payments on an existing loan.
4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.
The cat for his patience, his willingness to help in whatever way he can, for thinking of me, getting me out of the house, showing me all these new and exciting Newfie experiences, for introducing me to his friends who are now my own. For being the wonderful person that he is.
5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.
The responsible person I have become. My procrastination days are slowly fading into the past.
6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.
After the last 250 or so cigarettes that I have left, I wish that the detox process will be quick and painless and my transition back to a non-smoker will be a rewarding and life long experience.
Oh, and of course, to find a job - soon!
I realize that everyone has the prerogative to change their minds. Mine was rather drastic after being so dead set against certain things and I suppose I felt a sense of humility over it. To be so sure about one thing only to take a tumble towards the exact opposite is humbly human yet I'm finding it difficult still to fall completely into the place I opened myself up for.
Everything this time has been refreshingly different from the others. From a purely platonic friendship where the slightest indication of intimate physical contact was abolished for 6 months to all forms of contiguity within a weeks time is a transition I am still trying to grasp yet it's as though I am finally set free.
Never have I dug so deep into the reasons for my actions. Why am I - was I being so cautious? Have I really grown this much that I am taking every precaution, to be sure I am getting into this for the correct reasons and not because I feel a sense of duty to a man who feels so strongly towards me? While it had crossed my mind I certainly believe there is no deed to be done. Everything up until this point has been on my own terms, whether the cat initiated it or not, whatever happened happened because I wanted it to.
When discovering the bigger picture the cat holds all the qualities, even some quirks which I had been picking at, using to convince myself that he was the wrong kind of cat for me. Appearances are deceiving but behind misty blues and the warmth of an expression lies so much more when given the chance to make themselves known.
While basking in the after-glow of my coastal journey Friday afternoon, as well as the glimmer of the few events that have taken place since, I've realized a few things. Thus my absence from the blogosphere - my brain and emotions have been on hiatus and until I could make sense of it all there were no words to write.
I'm currently singing to a different tune, a change of heart you could say. I've come to the conclusion that I wasn't giving the cat a chance. I had been closing myself off completely and the moment I allowed myself to open up everything appeared so differently.
I suppose it was the boat, meeting his friends and family, experiencing the other facets that make the cat who he is that done it. We have become quite close (everything that implies is true) since Friday and I have no regrets or hesitations. While it's not love, yet, it's something and something I have been denying myself of these past months.
Whether it was fear or just not wanting to jump into something I was not ready for I do not know but now that I'm here I'm not looking back.
Rugged, rustic and rough landscapes and terrain, everything I love.
The Gods in the form of a giant wall of ice.
The turquoise coloured water is the greater part of the berg below the ocean's surface.
Shallow water, pretty stones.
Introspective, soaking it all in.
Save for another fisherman checking his lobster pots and a friend of the cat's who we met up with along the way we were virtually alone. Similar to peering into a star studded sky, we were minuscule, owned by the great vastness of the deep blue and its current icy occupants.
Reality check checked.
