Saturday, September 23, 2006

When Friends Turn

It's a pivotal moment when friends turn on you for no apparent reason. Your ideas and dreams suddenly seem ridiculous to them and unnecessary comments are made. You feel inferior when you know you're better than that. Their "worry" is more like disapproval and support of any kind is non-existent.

Intuition bleeds green.

Envy is a dangerous feeling. It can tear relationships to shreds (as I'm currently experiencing). I can only suspect envy as the culprit for my friends surprising and hurtful behaviour but it makes a lot of sense.

I don't have anyone I need to answer to or children I need to tend to. I'm going some where in my life not many people can and I have the guts to do it.

It hurts when you finally realize the friends you thought you had were never friends at all.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Selling My Current Life. Any Takers?

The past few months I've been up to my elbows in shit. I'm exhausted on so many levels. A whirlwind of emotions.

Our home of 13 years is up for sale. How do I really feel about that? I'm excited, nervous, scared, stressed... 'cause I know what comes next.

I'm not a fan of change but when you consider your current existence a life of bullshit, constant complaining and unhappiness change is all you can do. So, when all's said and done, I'll be out of province, over a day away to the east coast. I've never lived any where but here but people do this all the time. I'm beginning to realize why.

Away from the masses, the busy bustle of every day city life and I don't live in any hugely populated city either. Compared to some around here this is nothing but enough's enough and I've had it. Where I'm going is anything but busy, the kind of life I've been dreaming of.

However, it all looks fantastic through my minds eye. But what if, what if, what if??? There's no room for what if on our moving truck. It's not do or die, it's just do period and do so it works.

The house we want is cheaply amazing. Our backyard is basically the Atlantic ocean. That is the view from the kitchen/dining room windows. Maybe I won't mind doing dishes so much. Maybe I won't mind a lot of things.