Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

It's 'ot in 'ere, b'y!

I have a confession. Time to loosen up the tie and wipe my brow. I have lied to you. When I said "I wouldn't have it any other way" in my last post I knew even as I typed it it wasn't true but I didn't want to come off as needy or expecting too much from the cat knowing this is the way it is. It's the life style and it's not going to change, I realize that so I have been doing some serious contemplating.

The cat left early Sunday afternoon to go moose hunting. Being on my own and being alone is nothing new although the bed is awfully big for just me. There is no set time for his return. No date to look forward to. I'll see him when he gets here after he gets what he went looking for.

"If we were together all the time we'd get sick of each other." I suppose part of that is true but every relationship needs some time and with our lack of it I feel like I'm drifting. I know he loves me and he tries in small ways to make up for his absence but it's just not enough for me. The only time I feel close to him is when we're sleeping.

I want to be able to wake up in the morning and on a whim say "lets go some where" and he be completely up for it but I know he'll say he has too much to do. Any place I wish to go I will go alone. Any thing I wish to do will be done alone. I want someone to share and experience life with, not enjoy it single handily and tell him about it afterwards.

I have invited the cat to join the boys and myself on our walk to The Pond. He declined to see his boys. I asked him if he would be interested in going hiking with me. "Sure, when I get straightened out." He's still crooked. Over a month ago he said we would take the boys to Fogo Island when he got back from his week long fishing trip in Bonavista. I still haven't seen Fogo.

"You're hardly home..."
"What I do is for us. I thought you understood."

I do understand. I understand that you do not have time for us nor have any desire to make the time unless it's on Sunday. I understand that I love you but I'm not happy.

Sundays are the Cat's Meow

Sunday, the day of rest is taken very literally here in Newfoundland. Nothing more than leisure activities and the large Sunday dinner which is enjoyed around noon or after Church takes place on Sundays. Any voluntary labour is abolished unless of course its mandatory paid labour. Back home Sundays were just like Mondays. Lawns were mowed, laundry was washed and any thing else that had to be done was accomplished on Sundays, just like any other day. No rest, only work.

After a long hard week, Sundays are the only day most people take off to enjoy with friends and family. We sleep in but not too late as to miss our dinner of roast beef and salt beef, "titties" or potatoes, veggies - usually turnip and carrots, pea pudding, bread-like pudding and of course, gravy. The cat and I usually take a drive on Sundays and usually it is raining. This is our day together, one day a week where we do something other than what is needed to be done. Last Sunday with his brother and sister-in-law we went blueberry picking near his parents cabin.

Days and evenings with the cat have become routine. Only 2 months and already I'm using the dreaded "R" word. Sundays I look forward to. They are different, they are fun, they do not involve work of any kind although the cat sometimes speaks of it. During the week the cat calls himself busy, I secretly call him a workaholic however the work he does he receives no pay unless he is out at sea. Whether he's helping a buddy, his brother or himself to make a buck later on life with a fisherman is a full list of to-do's. Even when one task is completed and checked off another takes its place. This would be my only complaint and a complaint that will go unheard.

An outdoor cat you can not shut in. He craves the wilderness and the hard work it takes to survive, it's in his blood. If you must only know one thing about this kind of cat to understand him it would be that. There is no hope to change him, nor would you want to. It would break his spirit and only an empty shell would remain.

There is great gain in accepting this kind of cat into your heart. He is exceptionally loyal, caring and giving. When needed his time is yours. The little things are most important and the little things he does willingly without request.

While this life is still new and I am still learning - learning to accept, learning to adjust - I wouldn't have it any other way.