Contemplations of a Frantic Mind/Footprints on my Heart

I realize that everyone has the prerogative to change their minds. Mine was rather drastic after being so dead set against certain things and I suppose I felt a sense of humility over it. To be so sure about one thing only to take a tumble towards the exact opposite is humbly human yet I'm finding it difficult still to fall completely into the place I opened myself up for.

Everything this time has been refreshingly different from the others. From a purely platonic friendship where the slightest indication of intimate physical contact was abolished for 6 months to all forms of contiguity within a weeks time is a transition I am still trying to grasp yet it's as though I am finally set free.

Never have I dug so deep into the reasons for my actions. Why am I - was I being so cautious? Have I really grown this much that I am taking every precaution, to be sure I am getting into this for the correct reasons and not because I feel a sense of duty to a man who feels so strongly towards me? While it had crossed my mind I certainly believe there is no deed to be done. Everything up until this point has been on my own terms, whether the cat initiated it or not, whatever happened happened because I wanted it to.

When discovering the bigger picture the cat holds all the qualities, even some quirks which I had been picking at, using to convince myself that he was the wrong kind of cat for me. Appearances are deceiving but behind misty blues and the warmth of an expression lies so much more when given the chance to make themselves known.

No Pictures, Only Words

While basking in the after-glow of my coastal journey Friday afternoon, as well as the glimmer of the few events that have taken place since, I've realized a few things. Thus my absence from the blogosphere - my brain and emotions have been on hiatus and until I could make sense of it all there were no words to write.

I'm currently singing to a different tune, a change of heart you could say. I've come to the conclusion that I wasn't giving the cat a chance. I had been closing myself off completely and the moment I allowed myself to open up everything appeared so differently.

I suppose it was the boat, meeting his friends and family, experiencing the other facets that make the cat who he is that done it. We have become quite close (everything that implies is true) since Friday and I have no regrets or hesitations. While it's not love, yet, it's something and something I have been denying myself of these past months.

Whether it was fear or just not wanting to jump into something I was not ready for I do not know but now that I'm here I'm not looking back.

AIR ~Art Is Resistance

Wordless Wednesday #3

Closer to the Gods

I've often wondered if the locals, specifically the fishermen and women, ever tire of their surroundings. Day in and day out bobbing in open water. If any of these fortunate few feel a shred of the emotion I did today while joy riding along the coast the answer would be they are home.

When the cat appeared at my door after being MIA for a week I was happy and happier yet when he invited me to spend the afternoon on his speed boat. Like a typical tourist camera in hand and sandals on foot I climbed down the wharf into the boat like a pro, well, with a little assistance. I couldn't contain my excitement and laughed hysterically for the first 5 minutes. I was a kid in a candy shop.

That excitement soon turned into sheer awe. Never have I felt so alive, so free as I did today.

Rugged, rustic and rough landscapes and terrain, everything I love.

The Gods in the form of a giant wall of ice.

The turquoise coloured water is the greater part of the berg below the ocean's surface.

Shallow water, pretty stones.

Introspective, soaking it all in.

Save for another fisherman checking his lobster pots and a friend of the cat's who we met up with along the way we were virtually alone. Similar to peering into a star studded sky, we were minuscule, owned by the great vastness of the deep blue and its current icy occupants.

Reality check checked.

Prudence ~Haiku

Setting sun rises
new hope for daybreak's raging
fire of true prudence

Happy Hour (T13 #2)

For this week I've decided to capture a few of the every day things

that bring joy to my life.

In no particular order:

Being an Aries fire is my element and accordingly I've always been attracted to flame be it of a candle, a lighter, a match or a bonfire. I suppose I'm a little bit of a pyro. Although our electric (or liquid as the Newfie dialect transforms the word) fire place is not connected to a chimney (or chimley) and does not produce real smoke, or any smoke for that matter, it still provides a warm, comforting and relaxing effect. Perfect for calming the nerves and silencing the mind and it's safe too!

This mask has travelled far and wide. From Guatemala to The Festival of Friends in Ontario where we purchased him last summer from a very kind eclectic man and now to its permanent home here in Newfoundland.

For me he is a symbol of joy, strength and beauty - a reminder of the times Mom and I shared together under the sun wandering the various booths, enjoying great Canadian music such as Sass Jordan, Simon Wilcox, Jeremy Fisher, Ashley Macisaac to name only a few and devouring elephant ears and peaches and ice cream on "our" hill under the shade of a tree.

I am saddened that I will not be able to experience the Ontario festivals this year but the highly acclaimed Fish, Fun and Folk Festival held later July is a celebration to look forward to with its parade of boats in the harbour all decorated in lights, to music, vendors, fireworks and other activities, I'm sure my summer festival fix will be met.

A bed of any sort would normally speak for itself as being a provider of joy but it goes a little beyond being simply a place to rest my head at night. For 5 months I stared at the mattress and box spring still in the packaging, the frame still in the box. Mom and I slept on the futon in the dining room until we were able to finish my room which was placed lower on our list of priorities of areas to get done.

For years I slept on a hand-me-down twin, the mattress worn. Falling asleep took some time for me. Now having a double pillow-top I feel like a Queen and sleep like one too!

The pewter sun and moon essential oil diffuser that sends the sweet scents of calming lavender, inspiring lemongrass and cooling peppermint throughout the house. Unfortunately my oil supply is becoming sparse and its fire is lit sparingly.


My copy of Nine Inch Nail's Year Zero, a conceptual album about the end of the world, is the first CD I have owned that I can listen to from beginning to end without wanting to skip tracks or hear a select few more than the others. Every track is in a league of its own, however equally satisfying. Not every one's cup of tea but it certainly lifts my spirits and is a source of energy come cleaning time. Trent is a musical genius.

Mr. Deejay, play it loud so the "bass goes bomb."

Weeping Yogi, extra large version (his two younger twin brothers are here also) was bought on one of our travels to Port Dover, Ontario when we sought Arbor Dogs and Golden Glow and a walk along Lake Eerie. One hand placed on top and one under neath, woes and grievances are focused into him and so he weeps, carrying those troubles on his back so you don't have to.

My handsome boys. Phoenix, the Mama's Boy, the sweetheart and Ashford, the pick-me-upper when I am down - literally. They make me laugh, they make me happy, they make me proud.

Clear, smoky and rose quartz crystals were a gem of a find but don't ask me to peer into the crystal ball to reveal your fortune or future... I'm rather inexperienced with scrying but it is on my to-learn list.

My retro phone, aesthetically pleasing to look at and sweet music to the ears when it sings. Our previous forms of communication being only our cell phones then a month without anything but the payphone on the north side of the island, which I may add while the location was breathtaking enjoying a conversation with loved ones in the middle of winter was dreadful and quick!

How I've missed my Birkenstocks this winter! Three years old and I still love them as much as I did the first year. No other form of summer foot wear will I ever invest in again. I adore sandal season.

Spencer II, my Aloe Vera plant. Obviously Spencer the first didn't make it, poor fellow. I am keeping my fingers crossed for this little guy who has grown so much already from when he left his spot on the Wal Mart shelf a few weeks ago to occupy the center piece of the dining table.

My happy art, a painting by an unknown artist found locally. I love the texture and the emotion the images invoke. I could stare at this for hours. I'm very much into the earth tones and the colours of the painting all tie in with the colours of the house.

Now this is a cuppa tea! Some would disagree with adding milk and sugar to specialty or herbal teas but I digress! This is what winds me down at the end of the day, the ultimate combination.

Shake it Baby, Shake it!

Wordless Wednesday #2